


Legion of Gays || DISCONTINUED

by Nightlist



Category: Gotham (TV)
Genre: Abandoned Work - Unfinished and Discontinued, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angry Oswald Cobblepot, Chatting & Messaging, Coming Out, Crack, Established Relationship, Everyone Is Gay, F/F, Fluff, Fluff and Crack, Gen, Humor, I'm Bad At Tagging, Ice Cream, M/M, No Plot/Plotless, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Sassy Jonathan Crane, Texting, Tired Jonathan Crane, Trans Character, and it shows, as of yet anyways, because im too tired, chat fic, jervis tetch doesnt rhyme, martin is underappreciated, the author has opinions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-16
Updated: 2020-08-12
Packaged: 2021-02-25 22:20:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 1,928
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21822820
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nightlist/pseuds/Nightlist
Summary: Jerome makes a groupchat. Chaos ensues.
Relationships: Edward Nygma & Jerome Valeska, Jeremiah Valeska/Bruce Wayne, Jerome Valeska & Martin, Jonathan Crane & Jervis Tetch & Jerome Valeska, Jonathan Crane/Jerome Valeska, Oswald Cobblepot & Jerome Valeska, Oswald Cobblepot/Edward Nygma, Selina Kyle/Bruce Wayne, onesided - Relationship, past surprise relationship
Comments: 24
Kudos: 87





	1. the beginning of the end

**Author's Note:**

> Characters in the chat:  
> Jerome  
> Jonathan  
> Jervis  
> Martin  
> Oswald  
> Edward

_ Jerome created a groupchat _

_ Jerome added Jonathan Crane, Jervis Tetch, Oswald Cobblepot, Edward Nygma and Martin to the groupchat _

_ Jerome renamed the groupchat Legion of Gays _

Jerome: GREETINGS FUCKERS

Jonathan Crane: jerome what are you doing

Jerome: idk im bored

Jerome: yall need better names gimme a sec

_ Jerome changed Jerome’s, Jonathan Crane’s, Jervis Tetch’s, Martin’s, Edward Nygma’s and Oswald Cobblepot’s names _

hes just a boy(but hes a bottom): that cant be good

hes just a boy(but hes a bottom): im breaking up with you

clownfucker: wait no

hes just a boy(but hes a bottom): too late

hes just a boy(but hes a bottom): im single now

clownfucker: :(

riddle me this!: my son is sad why is my son sad

rhymes bitch: mr. crane broke up with mr. valeska for calling him a bottom

riddle me this!: you know what 

riddle me this!: thats fair

clownfucker: dAD

hes just a boy(but hes a bottom): thank you

hes just a boy(but hes a bottom): now change my name

clownfucker: hmm

clownfucker: no


	2. ice cream and a worried parental figure

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Characters in the chat:  
> Jerome  
> Jonathan  
> Jervis  
> Martin  
> Oswald  
> Edward

clownfucker: hey @smal

clownfucker: you wanna go get ice cream?

smal: sure

rhymes bitch: i want ice cream

clownfucker: no

rhymes bitch: :(

clownfucker: :)

clownfucker: @birb dad can i martin and i go get ice cream

birb: since when do you ask permission for anything?

clownfucker: you right

clownfucker: @smal lets go!

birb: JEROME THAT IS NOT WHAT I MEANT

clownfucker: no takebacks!

birb: JEROME

_ clownfucker is offline _

birb: that little shit

hes just a boy(but hes a bottom): can you really call him a little shit if hes taller than you

riddle me this!: Oswald is going to kill you

hes just a boy(but hes a bottom): please do

riddle me this!: wait no


	3. he is just a creacher,,, he canot help it,,,

hymes bitch: why dont i get ice cream  
hes just a boy(but hes a bottom): because you worked with jeremiah   
rhymes bitch: so did you  
hes just a boy(but hes a bottom): i gave him some fear gas because he wouldnt stop bugging me otherwise  
hes just a boy(but hes a bottom): you on the other hand,,,  
rhymes bitch: rude  
hes just a boy(but hes a bottom): but true  
hes just a boy(but hes a bottom): :)  
rhymes bitch: jesus fucking christ please never use emojis thats terrifying  
clownfucker: oh god top hat what have you done  
hes just a boy(but hes a bottom): t̷̢͓͂̈́͠e̷̖̋̎͊͝r̴͉̘̒r̶̼̲͋̉i̵̥͕̤͇̊̃̕̚f̶̥͔̰̌͊y̴̧̞̿ĩ̴̠̌ñ̵͚̔̓ͅg̵͖̮͒̾̈ ̷̗̱͉͈̓ỳ̵̛̺͜ô̷̺̪u̶̧̹͐ͅ ̶̠͋̎s̵̠͍̣̀̆͌a̷͔͐̓͘y̸̩̩͍͌̉  
clownfucker: jervis youve killed us all  
hes just a boy(but hes a bottom): :̵̧͚̳̭͂)̸̢̡͇͉̠͇͈̜̪̮̻͙̩̰̩͔̟̩͚̹̭̬̟̩̠̠̪̠͎͉͗́̈́̚͜͜ͅͅͅ)̴̢̢̨̯͈͖̼̱̗̝̬͚͕̓̅̐͛͂̓̀͜ͅ)̷͈̅͗̀͌̎̄̆͂̔̊̊͛̄͊͒͌̄̋̆̈̈́͌̂̊̒̎͗̕͘͘͘̚͝͝͠͝͝͝)̴̨̢̨̧̛̙̣̗̝͈͚̖̟̙̻͈̥̠̮̳̘̯͚͕̝̭̝̜͇͓̻̪͙͇̼͉̩̰̣̝̦͎͇͍̦͖̙̒͆̃̊͑͘)̷̡͈̫̲̪̯͍͎͍̟̺̻̮̰͈̗̱͇͔̳̿͌̎̑͐̀̏̾̾̆̃͆̈́͆̀͂͛̽̏͗͋͊͋͊̽̌͑̇͛̽̅̐̏̈́̑̄̌̚̕͠)̴̧̢̨̛̞͖̯͓̺̩̻̮̼͕̜̙̙̹̝̰̠̻͖̬̟͉͔͉̯̪͎͚̲̹̘̺̳̼͇͕̘̜͎̥͍̹̇̈́̌͊̃͂́͌͐͗̇̈̕̕͜͝͝ͅ  
clownfucker: if i change your name will you stop  
hes just a boy(but hes a bottom): m̶̢̡̪̼͇̭̝̙͈͇̖̺̻̰̘̳̜͍̦̙̱̫̮͉͚̫̰͕̞̭̖̖̹̰̦̻̰̗͍̫̮̲̰̺̾͜ͅͅą̵̛̋̄̓̃̇͒͑͌̍̿̈́̆̈́͒̓͗͒͋̈́̊̅̈́̋̋̓̀̇̏̎̋̍̊̾͑̾͑̕͝͝y̴̡̛͖̜̝̻͉̹̬͖̽̾̌̈́̓̈́̇̊̅͒͒̆͌̊͒̊̈́̾̊͐̆̔̋̇̎͐̀̿̌̉̈͐̌̉́͐̕͘̚͘͘͝͠͝͝͝b̸̢̛̛͚̪͈̞̝͔̭̫͉̄͆́͋̈́͛͆̈́̑̒̽̋̊͛͋̀͗͂̿̓́̽̂̆̿̃̍͋́͌͌̈́́̾̒̈́̿͘̕͘͜͝e̷̡̧̡̨̧̧̧̫̮͈̙̙̙̳͇̺̟̻̪͙̮̹̖̹͕̩̗̦̺̪̝̝̝͎̭̥͙͖͚̫̯̺͖̟̜͕͕͚̗̤̫̲̝̍̌̉̆̑̅̈́̋̿͆̾͝

clownfucker changed hes just a boy(but hes a bottom)’s name

eldritch horror: h̴̛̛̝̜̟͈̝̘̼͈̻̙̙̰̱̰̔̄̈́̒̇̋̓̂͆̉̄̄͝͠m̸̨̧̧̢̧̲̳͕̱̩̞̳̞̱̮̗̮̦̰̖͙͎̱͔͚͚̘̲̪̠̗̤̬̺̦͎̩̞͔̿̂̎̊̂̎̀͂̓̈́̾̃͗̓̇̌̚͠m̵̡̺̱͎̟̍̉͌̓͗͆͂̂̅̈́͒̌͆̔͛̂͐͋̾̆̀̈́͆̽̌̚̕̕͠͠m̴̨͉̰̙͎̬̗̫̯͔̬̫͙̬̯̻͇̪̹̯͓̭̜͚͍͇̙̭̘̩͍̙͕̏̿m̵̨̢͓̝͇̰̮̫̲̱͈̪̫̞̠̓̃̆͐̄́̒̊̒̓́̂͆̑̿̓͌̇̕̚͝͝͠ͅ  
eldritch horror: acceptable  
clownfucker: oh thank god  
birb: fucking hell i leave for two minutes  
clownfucker: deal with it  
clownfucker: you and riddle dad signed up for this  
clownfucker: literally  
riddle me this!: hes not wrong  
birb: ed youre supposed to be on my side  
riddle me this!: you froze me in a block of ice :/  
birb: YOURE STILL MAD ABOUT THAT  
riddle me this!: :/  
clownfucker: mood

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heres the blocked out conversation for anyone who cant read it:
> 
> hes just a boy(but hes a bottom): but true  
> hes just a boy(but hes a bottom): :)  
> rhymes bitch: jesus fucking christ please never use emojis thats terrifying  
> clownfucker: oh god top hat what have you done  
> hes just a boy(but hes a bottom): terrifying you say?  
> clownfucker: jervis youve killed us all  
> hes just a boy(but hes a bottom): :)))))  
> clownfucker: if i change your name will you stop  
> hes just a boy(but hes a bottom): maybe
> 
> clownfucker changed hes just a boy(but hes a bottom)’s name
> 
> eldritch horror: hmmmm  
> eldritch horror: acceptable  
> clownfucker: oh thank god  
> birb: fucking hell i leave for two minutes  
> clownfucker: deal with it  
> clownfucker: you and riddle dad signed up for this  
> clownfucker: literally


	4. local clown fucking dies

clownfucker: WAIT  
clownfucker: @eldritch horror  
clownfucker: YOU BROKE WITH ME BECAUSE OF YOUR NAME BUT I CHANGED IT CAN WE BE DATING AGAIN NOW???  
eldritch horror: hmmm  
eldritch horror: yeah sure  
clownfucker: !!!!!!!!!  
clownfucker: YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY  
eldritch horror: calm down  
clownfucker: NEVER  
eldritch horror: Jerome?  
clownfucker: yes, love of my life?  
eldritch horror: shut the fuck up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> more people need to write jon being sassy


	5. she is Not a clown

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you to everyone who has left comments/kudos!! i really appreciate them

_clownfucker added Cat_

clownfucker: welcome to the hellhole

birb: holy shit did you make a friend?

clownfucker: no, i stole his phone

birb: jon?

clownfucker: yep

Cat: what is this and why am i here

clownfucker: idk you seemejsaljsljd

birb: jon you okay?

clownfucker: HA

clownfucker: I HAVE WON THE BATTLE AND ORDER IS RESTORED

clownfucker: @Cat whomst the fuck is you?

Cat: fuck if i know

clownfucker: 

Cat:

clownfucker: ye you can stay

clownfucker: what art thou pronouns, o feline?

Cat: why are you asking

clownfucker: because i have _morals_ duh

birb: youre a serial killer and a terrorist

clownfucker: well yeah but im not a _transphobe_

Cat: thats fair

Cat: she/they

Cat: and yall?

birb: oh no

clownfucker: YOOOOOOOOO

Cat: what is happening

clownfucker: @eldritch horror @eldritch horror @eldritch horror

clownfucker: country boyyyyyy i love yOUUUUUUU

birb: we cant say y*ll

birb: or else this happens

clownfucker: WOW

clownfucker: thanks for the moral support dad

eldritch horror: please stop

clownfucker: my MANS

clownfucker: he is HERE

Cat: ok i dunno any of you, but im guessing clown is valeska and cthulu is that scarecrow dude

clownfucker: O/////O haz senpai noticed mai?

eldritch horror: never do that again

Cat: yeah im 16 dude

clownfucker: i take it back

clownfucker: ew

clownfucker: bad 

clownfucker: no

Cat: okay anyways are you dating?

eldritch horror: for some reason

Cat: fuck yes

birb: do i need to be concerned 

_Cat added pennywise_

Cat: PAY UP BITCH

pennywise: goddamn it

pennywise: selina please tell me this groupchat isnt what i think it is

Cat: lmao it absolutely is

pennywise: i hate you

Cat: sure jan

clownfucker: CLOWN DAD?????

pennywise: no

_pennywise has left the chat_

_Cat has added pennywise to the chat_

Cat: STAY

pennywise: ughhhhhhhhhhhh

pennywise: fine

pennywise: i am not anyones dad

Cat: clown mom?

pennywise: I AM NOT A CLOWN

pennywise: but yes thats better

_clownfucker changed pennywise’s name_

I AM NOT A CLOWN: oh god

I AM NOT A CLOWN: well 

I AM NOT A CLOWN: it could be worse

eldritch horror: imagine what its like dating him

Cat: how did that happen anyway

birb: they got really drunk, traumatized jervis, banged and then woke up the next morning

clownfucker: DADD

birb: thats you get motherfucker

clownfucker: D:

birb: dont steal my goddamn booze

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> anyone wanna guess who penny is?


	6. the author is a bastard

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ;)

eldritch horror: jerome texted me at three am despite his phone not being in his room and me being in his room

eldritch horror: and what he decided was so important he couldn’t tell me face to face despite being in the room

eldritch horror: was ‘slorp hair off someone head, they bald’

eldritch horror: WHY

Cat: i have never seen you use all caps before are you ok

eldritch horror: idk?????!?!???

Cat: do you need the birbs 

eldritch horror: what

Cat: my friend has a rooftop where a shit ton of pigeons hang out

Cat: it’s surprisingly relaxing

I AM NOT A CLOWN: i can vouch for the birbs

clownfucker: MY DADS A BIRB

eldritch horror: you

eldritch horror: motherfucker

eldritch horror: why

clownfucker: excuse you i have fucked no mother’s 

clownfucker: i mean there was one dude who had like a great niece or smth but he’s dead now

eldritch horror: i’m sorry what

I AM NOT A CLOWN: please tell me you aren’t talking about who i think you are 

birb has added Silver to the chat

birb: @smal @clownfucker you have a sister now. jerome, don’t murder her or i’ll ground you for a week

Silver: hi!

Silver: wait

clownfucker: Oh No

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hahaha


	7. idk man i can’t think of anything

I AM NOT A CLOWN: how many children do you have

riddle me this!: three now

I AM NOT A CLOWN: dang

I AM NOT A CLOWN: @Cat change my name

Cat: now why would i do that

I AM NOT A CLOWN: because you love me

Cat: debatable

I AM NOT A CLOWN: i give you free food and let you break into my house all the time

Cat: ugh

Cat: fine

Cat changed I AM NOT A CLOWN’s name

penny: i stg if it’s worse i will punch you out a window

penny: that is acceptable 

Cat: your weird ass clone beat you to that

penny: wow rude

eldritch horror: you have a clone

penny: it’s gotham. don’t question it. 

clownfucker: holy shit you could get away with so much with a clone

clownfucker: like in that story

eldritch horror: i mean. 

clownfucker: No

eldritch horror: fine

clownfucker: Good

Cat: y’all are weird

clownfucker: :D

eldritch horror: do not

clownfucker: D:

clownfucker: but country boy,,,,

clownfucker: i love you,,,,,

eldritch horror: sucks for you

clownfucker: *sad clown honk*

penny: why are you the way that are

clownfucker: WELL

penny: don’t answer that 

clownfucker: :(

penny: suffer

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wooo i’m posting something


	8. you killed my father prepare to die

Silver: so why only a week

clownfucker: wot

Silver: mr cobblepot said if you murdered me you’d be grounded for a week

Silver: i’m worth at least a week and half :/

clownfucker: wait

clownfucker: so you aren’t mad i slept with ur uncle?

Silver:

Silver: you what

clownfucker: hey so do you think you age when youre dead

penny: so we’re just going to ignore that last conversation 

clownfucker: yes

penny: alright then

eldritch horror: why are you even asking that?

clownfucker: i’m trying to figure out if i’m 19 or 20

eldritch horror: probably 19

clownfucker: dang

clownfucker: our ages are way closer together now

clownfucker: also i did not get to celebrate my last two birthdays and god knows you don’t celebrate yours

clownfucker: we must commence a party!

riddle me this!: i don’t think that word means what you think it means

clownfucker: eh

clownfucker: anyways

clownfucker: PARTY

penny: do i even want to know what your idea of a party is

penny: actually i’m pretty sure i already do and i didn’t want to

clownfucker: how dare you my party’s are awesome

penny: the ‘carnival’ was not awesome

clownfucker: you were at the carnival??

Cat: oh boy

clownfucker: you were at the carnival????

Cat: no

clownfucker: well only one event is not enough to judge ones party skills!

clownfucker: so you’re invited to this one! you can bring your girlfriend and i can finally find out who you are

penny: my girlfriend?

clownfucker: aren’t you and cat dating?

penny: no????

clownfucker: huh

penny: and with your track record of trying to kill me i think i’ll skip

clownfucker: no!! i pinky promise i won’t try to kill you. i won’t even torture you!

penny: i would fucking hope not those staples hurt

clownfucker: wait what

Cat: AND THE CHIEF HAS DROPPED

penny: is this really the time for olan rogers?

Cat: it’s Always time for olan rogers

penny: goddammit you’re not wrong

clownfucker: ARE YOU THE WAYNE CLONE

penny: oh my fuck

penny: you dense bitch

clownfucker: ????

penny: i Am wayne. i’m trans.

clownfucker: 

clownfucker: ????!?!!??

Silver: @eldritch horror come get ur bitch 

eldritch horror: my what

Silver: your bitch

eldritch horror: you are silver right

Silver: ye??

eldritch horror: ah okay

eldritch horror: be right there

Cat: i am so confused 

Silver: <_<

Cat: oh shit right

Cat: sorry about the stuff i said penny told me about the uh. circumstances 

Silver: thank you

Cat:  👍

eldritch horror: congrats now we’re confused too

Cat: thanks

eldritch horror: you’re welcome

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> go watch olan rogers he’s hilarious. i have cried laughing. no cap


	9. IM SORRYYYYY

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> IVE BEEN WORKING ON LIKE 30 OTHER WIPS AND FORGOT TO UPDATE IM SORRY

clownfucker: so about that party,,  👀

penny: No

clownfucker: aw come on! i won’t even hurt other people! it’ll be fun

penny: you’ve tried to kill me

penny: like a lot

clownfucker: yeah i know

clownfucker: i did have my reasons 

clownfucker: if i pinkie swear not to go after you or your weird butler will you come??

penny: righhht

eldritch horror: oh no he’s being serious 

eldritch horror: jerome i see that cupcake put it down. 

clownfucker: :(

penny: fucking

penny: fine

clownfucker: :D

penny: i already regret this

clownfucker: this is gonna be so awesome


	10. and i oop

clownfucker: hey

clownfucker: so the author realized that they accidentally started a plot that was contradicted in the first few chapters

clownfucker: so they’re discontinuing this to write that 

clownfucker: @everyone see y’all in another fic

_ clownfucker deleted the chat _


End file.
